late night

Sorry, I am running really late tonight, I went to Buffalo Wild Wings tonight with the guys, and I am proud to say I did not drink anything but soda. They kept trying to get me to have a beer, but not only am I broke, but beer is making my tummy stick out more then my wallet. Not to mention the fact I said I was going to give up drinking because it is just dragging me down in life and I really dont need all the bullshit associated with drinking too much all the time. I had a really good time tho, all the people that worked there thought it was odd that I didnt have a beer in my hand. I find that a sign that things are on the upswing in my life.

I heard back from my ex girlfriend tonight about that email I sent her, she didn't seem too happy about the whole thing but asked me if she could take the night to think about it. I of course said yes, because I am praying to God that she will say yes, and we can give this whole thing one last try. I really don't want to push her out of my life, but I can't be her friend either. I love her too much, and have given too much of my life, to just sit back and let it go. The biggest thing that bothers me about the whole being friends thing is that if she starts dating someone further down the road is how am I going to react. I mean, I know exactly how I would react and thats not a good thing tho. Like I said tho, I am hoping and praying that things will turn out in a good way. I really miss her, and I want to prove to her that we can work through our problems together.

In the entire time we had been together I really dont think we ever really sat down and tired to figure out what was really causing us to be acting a certain way. We both just took the bad and pushed it aside instead of trying to work it out and find a solution for what was wrong. I dont think I can let that happen anymore in any relationship I am ever in, especially not if she takes me back. Now, the more I sit here and think about it the more I realize we never actually tired to work out our problems and differences we just kinda pushed them aside and went about our business. And thats not what a relationship is about, I mean, we need to be mature enough to talk about whats wrong while at the same time being mature enough to take whatever comes our way in proper stride.

Well enough about me and my relationship troubles. I still hate my job, yes its true folks. I really do hate my job and tonight it is official, even the guy who started with me at the same time I did, in the same position I did, finally admitted that he is also sick and tired of all the bullshit that comes with that job. We have been treated like shit pretty much since the get go, but it seems the longer we stay there the worse it gets. Also tonight we realized that the last year at the company has gone by so fast that we will be getting really old there fast. One year has really felt like just a couple of months, and I am scared that I will get trapped in that job like so many other people in that place have. I mean, c'mon who really wants to polish rings for 20+ years? I know I sure as hell don't want that job the rest of my life.

Anyway enough complaining for one night, I need to get to bed. I have had a really long day and I am ready for some much needed sleep. Gym tomorrow (again) they were working on my machines today I couldn't get a chance to work out on them as of yet. Goodnight.

M

Burnt shoe.

So, I walked into work today and I swear you could have killed a damn dung beatle it smelled so bad in that place. It literally smelled like someone had set a pile of shit covered shoes on fire and then tried to put the fire out by pissing on them. A couple of people I am sure will call in sick after having to smell all that burnt plastic all day long. I know my friend Sathara is not coming in, he was one of the first people in the building and he got the worst of the smells yesterday. I am just so thankful that the fire stayed where it was because we have hydrogen and amonia tanks all over that building not to mention the natural gas lines. So if it would have gotten out of control there would have no job to come back to today.

Well here's the information I have so far to give you and as soon as I get a damage estimate I will post that:
From what I was told by security the fire started at around 12:10pm yesterday. Crews were dispatched from I believe station 10 right by the airport and when they arrived they could not see any sign of fire. We have one of the most secure buildings in the entire valley due to what we have inside. So by just looking at the outside no one can tell what's going on inside. Once our security staff arrived they came inside and found heavy smoke coming from our "wet area" which is were we store some chemicals and do some industry specific tasks. By the time fire/resuce arrived the second time the fire was smoldering itself out and had been almost extinguished by the sprinkler system. A hazmat team had to be called out to the site after people started complaining about their eyes burning.

That's all I know for now about the fire. Hopefully at tomorrows team meeting I will get more information.

Now for of course the really boring stuff. The part where I get to sit here and tell you about me. I miss my ex girlfriend Amanda, and I am trying to do everything in my power to get back with her. I know that I was never perfect, but who really is? I have never really openly talked about her before, because I was so very afraid to lose someone I cared about so much. I love her with all my heart, and we have had some rough spots through our time together but I always believed that we came out of them stronger for each other. Sometimes in life you have to let go of someone you love and hope they will come back if they loved you just as much.

Well I am having a hard time trying to let go of her and I don't think that time will make it easier for me to just walk away from someone who has meant so much to me, and done so much for me as a person. She tells me she wants to be friends right now while we work through our differences but what that could mean scares me. I am terrified she will start dating other guys or worse. She tells me that's not what she wants right now, but at the same time she's not sure what she wants. She tells me not to worry about, but am I wrong to think she may find comfort in the arms of another man? I mean am I totally crazy?

The more she tells me she wants to be friends right now, the more I realize me treating her like a friend may have hurt us. I think about things I've said and done to her and around her and realize that is no way to treat someone you love. I tell my friends how I was around her and they tell me "well that's how you treat everyone." Well, that's where I went wrong; the love and respect is there for her, but I became so comfortable with her in my life I forgot who she was to me and just treated it more like a very selfish friend instead of the mutual relationship it should have been.

I know what my mistakes are, I know how to fix them. I would like for nothing more then to have this work, I would literally move to where she is and sleep in a park (I know your thinking "wow this guy is a creep" but our physical distance has always been an issue.) I am willing to do any and everything I need to do to make it right again. If I could measure my love for her and my commitment to trying to make this work in grams of gold (31.1 grams is an ounce, an ounce of gold is $982 today) I would have enough money to solve world hunger, end global debt and poverty and still have enough left over to never want again. But is that enough, I ask myself? Is putting everything on the line, risking everything for a chance to fail worth it? I think it is, I think I would rather die trying to salvage my relationship with her then to just walk away and say "Well Matt, better luck next time." Good night everyone.

M

~te quiero mucho, no lo olvides. Mehs.

sicko mcsickness

So I left work early tonight because I could barely keep my dinner in my stomache. I have so much on my mind the last thing I needed was to start feeling sick, and of course I start feeling like a bag of smashed assholes.I did do some of those Etoile rings tonight, and for as much as I would rather be doing those the staring down at the desk all night just wore me down.

On a positive note, we are making a ring for Forrest Whitaker (Last King of Scotland, Vantage Point) and he is going to be wearing it in his next movie which he is filming right now. Right now I am laying in bed watching my favorite tv show ever, Deadliest Catch. They are going over the best of Season 3, and it is amazing what people will do to provide for thei families. I have thought doing it, but between my knee and the fact that I tend to get sea sick I don't think its too wise of and idea. But it still makes for great Tv, just not a great job.

Tomorrow I am headed to Tech for the memorials, so I will update then. I just got off the phone with my ex girlfriend we had been discussing everything we had done wrong to each other over the past while, and needless to say I came out of that talk smelling like a bag of smashed assholes, but atleast now I have a plan to work toward, it will just take a while. Hopefully we can and will forgive each other for everything and maybe hopefully one dau get back together which would be amazing. Anyway its close to 1am and I need to be up soon, sorry no quote tonight. Thanks.

M