late night

Sorry, I am running really late tonight, I went to Buffalo Wild Wings tonight with the guys, and I am proud to say I did not drink anything but soda. They kept trying to get me to have a beer, but not only am I broke, but beer is making my tummy stick out more then my wallet. Not to mention the fact I said I was going to give up drinking because it is just dragging me down in life and I really dont need all the bullshit associated with drinking too much all the time. I had a really good time tho, all the people that worked there thought it was odd that I didnt have a beer in my hand. I find that a sign that things are on the upswing in my life.

I heard back from my ex girlfriend tonight about that email I sent her, she didn't seem too happy about the whole thing but asked me if she could take the night to think about it. I of course said yes, because I am praying to God that she will say yes, and we can give this whole thing one last try. I really don't want to push her out of my life, but I can't be her friend either. I love her too much, and have given too much of my life, to just sit back and let it go. The biggest thing that bothers me about the whole being friends thing is that if she starts dating someone further down the road is how am I going to react. I mean, I know exactly how I would react and thats not a good thing tho. Like I said tho, I am hoping and praying that things will turn out in a good way. I really miss her, and I want to prove to her that we can work through our problems together.

In the entire time we had been together I really dont think we ever really sat down and tired to figure out what was really causing us to be acting a certain way. We both just took the bad and pushed it aside instead of trying to work it out and find a solution for what was wrong. I dont think I can let that happen anymore in any relationship I am ever in, especially not if she takes me back. Now, the more I sit here and think about it the more I realize we never actually tired to work out our problems and differences we just kinda pushed them aside and went about our business. And thats not what a relationship is about, I mean, we need to be mature enough to talk about whats wrong while at the same time being mature enough to take whatever comes our way in proper stride.

Well enough about me and my relationship troubles. I still hate my job, yes its true folks. I really do hate my job and tonight it is official, even the guy who started with me at the same time I did, in the same position I did, finally admitted that he is also sick and tired of all the bullshit that comes with that job. We have been treated like shit pretty much since the get go, but it seems the longer we stay there the worse it gets. Also tonight we realized that the last year at the company has gone by so fast that we will be getting really old there fast. One year has really felt like just a couple of months, and I am scared that I will get trapped in that job like so many other people in that place have. I mean, c'mon who really wants to polish rings for 20+ years? I know I sure as hell don't want that job the rest of my life.

Anyway enough complaining for one night, I need to get to bed. I have had a really long day and I am ready for some much needed sleep. Gym tomorrow (again) they were working on my machines today I couldn't get a chance to work out on them as of yet. Goodnight.

M

final thoughts

I sent my ex an email with the final few things I wanted to say to her before I cut her out of my life completly. I am hoping that she will kinda come to her senses and realize that after everything we went through in two and a half years is not worth just throwing away over a few little things we both need to work on. I hope she will respond to it either way, but anyway I need to head off to work now, so I of course will update this damn thing when I get home tonight. Later.

M

So much for saying sorry..... or for caring.....

Sorry is a word I have been saying a lot recently, I have been apologizing me to my ex girlfriend for everything I have done wrong. I called her tonight to see if she was okay after I heard the whole strong storms moved through the area she lives in. Something like 200 people were injured after three tornadoes touched down. She won't even pick up the phone to let me know shes okay. Last weekend after I thought something was seriously wrong with her, I tried to call her but she didn't answer the phone so I got in my car and started to drive out there to make sure she was okay. But no, when I did something I should not of done this last weekend, she doesn't even give a damn. She tells me oh I care, oh your such a great guy, but leave me alone.

I am tired of sitting here working my brain over eight ways from Sunday trying to figure out what to do about this whole situation. I have decided to go back to the old way, I am just going to disappear. If you read this, I'm sorry it had to turn out this way. Good bye.

M

headache

I just wish I could be forgiven for everything I have ever done in my life. I have done a lot of things wrong in the past, and it has done a lot of harm to my relationships and my professional life. I try and try everyday to become better, but it just feels like I keep getting pushed back. Im tired of sitting around feeling like I do. I am just asking to be forgiven and for a second chance, am I really asking too much? Anyway, I gotta head to work. I will update again when I get home.

M

okay, so maybe

After a really good nights sleep last night, I woke up and the swelling in my hand has gone down to almost nothing, which is a really great sign that my hand is indeed not broken. So since my hand is not broken, thats really great news, now only if I can get something to clear out this infected cut I have on my ear, I will be dandy. Ya, I know it seems like I am a mess right now, but that seems to be the trend of my life right now. If its not one thing its the next.

I spent most of my afternoon watching tv and cleaning my room and rearranging all my furniture and trying to pack up some boxes to just move all the BS out of my room. I am headed back to work tomorrow, and I am really nervous because my boss seemed pretty pissed that I took the time off for having been sick. From what I heard I guess we got a pretty large gold order because like everyone was working on saturday to try and help fill it out. Well I need to get my rest because I am going to hit up the gym tomorrow and yes I really do mean it this time. Goodnight.

M

"In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If its not perfect, thats okay, there are alot more coming along." ~ Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia.

Green Day - Wake me up when September ends (Official video)

This video has so much meaning to me, as the years go on since I joined the Marines, I still think about it all. 9.27.2004. (The end of September)

hand

I am sorry to say this but I think it might be a day or two before I update this thing again. I have had a very bad weekend, I have been fighting my emotional demons again this weekend, and they almost won the battle sadly to say. Also, I got very pissed off today and hauled off and punched my head board so I think I may have broken my hand, so I am going to give it some rest and hope it heals up alright. Well, adios for now.

M

Bleh

Well I am home sick with a fucking flu bug, I just want to feel better. GRRR!

PICTURE TIME!!!!!

Hey, I finally got the chance to download all of my pictures to my mothers computer. So here for your pleasure are some of my most recent pictures.

Here is the great sunset from the other night at work.



Here is a picture of the Hotel Roanoke I took from work.



RIP Henry Lee



Here is me trying to drill a hole in 3 foot thick ice up in Wisconsin.



Thats it for now! I hope you enjoyed!!!

mr sickness

It seems that feeling like crap and being a piece of crap seem to go hand in hand pretty well. I left work again early tonight because I felt like crap. I arrived home and my folks were wrapping up the party they have for all the French kids. I am going to head to the doctor tomorrow to find out what's wrong so I will update when I get back.

M

Cherry Chocolate Rain!

This dude is hilarious!

Burnt shoe.

So, I walked into work today and I swear you could have killed a damn dung beatle it smelled so bad in that place. It literally smelled like someone had set a pile of shit covered shoes on fire and then tried to put the fire out by pissing on them. A couple of people I am sure will call in sick after having to smell all that burnt plastic all day long. I know my friend Sathara is not coming in, he was one of the first people in the building and he got the worst of the smells yesterday. I am just so thankful that the fire stayed where it was because we have hydrogen and amonia tanks all over that building not to mention the natural gas lines. So if it would have gotten out of control there would have no job to come back to today.

Well here's the information I have so far to give you and as soon as I get a damage estimate I will post that:
From what I was told by security the fire started at around 12:10pm yesterday. Crews were dispatched from I believe station 10 right by the airport and when they arrived they could not see any sign of fire. We have one of the most secure buildings in the entire valley due to what we have inside. So by just looking at the outside no one can tell what's going on inside. Once our security staff arrived they came inside and found heavy smoke coming from our "wet area" which is were we store some chemicals and do some industry specific tasks. By the time fire/resuce arrived the second time the fire was smoldering itself out and had been almost extinguished by the sprinkler system. A hazmat team had to be called out to the site after people started complaining about their eyes burning.

That's all I know for now about the fire. Hopefully at tomorrows team meeting I will get more information.

Now for of course the really boring stuff. The part where I get to sit here and tell you about me. I miss my ex girlfriend Amanda, and I am trying to do everything in my power to get back with her. I know that I was never perfect, but who really is? I have never really openly talked about her before, because I was so very afraid to lose someone I cared about so much. I love her with all my heart, and we have had some rough spots through our time together but I always believed that we came out of them stronger for each other. Sometimes in life you have to let go of someone you love and hope they will come back if they loved you just as much.

Well I am having a hard time trying to let go of her and I don't think that time will make it easier for me to just walk away from someone who has meant so much to me, and done so much for me as a person. She tells me she wants to be friends right now while we work through our differences but what that could mean scares me. I am terrified she will start dating other guys or worse. She tells me that's not what she wants right now, but at the same time she's not sure what she wants. She tells me not to worry about, but am I wrong to think she may find comfort in the arms of another man? I mean am I totally crazy?

The more she tells me she wants to be friends right now, the more I realize me treating her like a friend may have hurt us. I think about things I've said and done to her and around her and realize that is no way to treat someone you love. I tell my friends how I was around her and they tell me "well that's how you treat everyone." Well, that's where I went wrong; the love and respect is there for her, but I became so comfortable with her in my life I forgot who she was to me and just treated it more like a very selfish friend instead of the mutual relationship it should have been.

I know what my mistakes are, I know how to fix them. I would like for nothing more then to have this work, I would literally move to where she is and sleep in a park (I know your thinking "wow this guy is a creep" but our physical distance has always been an issue.) I am willing to do any and everything I need to do to make it right again. If I could measure my love for her and my commitment to trying to make this work in grams of gold (31.1 grams is an ounce, an ounce of gold is $982 today) I would have enough money to solve world hunger, end global debt and poverty and still have enough left over to never want again. But is that enough, I ask myself? Is putting everything on the line, risking everything for a chance to fail worth it? I think it is, I think I would rather die trying to salvage my relationship with her then to just walk away and say "Well Matt, better luck next time." Good night everyone.

M

~te quiero mucho, no lo olvides. Mehs.

Let that mutha burn!

Well I got call yesterday that we had a small fire on Sunday morning at the plant. We lost the entire plating department and they are not sure what machines will be able to run after the water damage. I really dont have a whole lot of details right now, but I will try and get some more. Anyway I have to run off to work. Later.

M

"A pen is like a double headed ax, now matter which way it swings, distruction is bound to follow." ~ Anonymous.

Whats it gonna take? (For a guy to get some service in this place?)

I didn't get a chance to update yesterday because as soon as I got off work my sister called me up and told me that our foreign exchange student had arrived. So I went up to Fleming and met her and the rest of her family and my own. We all decided to go to Corned Beef for dinner, after that we went and got ice cream and picked up a movie. My sister is sleeping in the office and seeing how I am without a computer and she's is with the only computer I couldn't update.

Well other then the fact that we picked up our french person Friday was really uneventful. Work was pretty slow and I didn't do much during the day on Friday. My dad thinks he tore a ligament in his shoulder but he refuses to go and get it checked out so I don't think he will ever know. Stubborn old man if you ask me, last time something like this happened he threw his back out and by the time he was ready to be seen we couldn't take him in a car so he had to take an ambulance. I swear I don't know where I get my stubborness when it comes to doctors. I also hate having to go to hospitalsn they are so very uncool to be around, I always feel like I shouldn't be there.

Right now I am sitting @ work bored out of my brain waiting for these construction guys to finish up installing a new water pump so I can go piss. Ya, ya, I know, that was too much information for you to know, but I don't care. My computer should be fixed here very soon and I cannot wait to start being able to put up new pix on a daily basis to go along with my posts. Anyway, I really should get back to "work" so I will update this bad boy later. Oh, and no quote on here, my book is at home. Sorry!

M

Keepin it real in Minnesota.

Well tonight was pretty interesting, work sucked pretty bad but whatever it was just another night at the plant. When I was on my way home I saw someone get hit by a car and they ran off, it was pretty disturbing but he should be alright. We are having an exchange student from France staying with us for the next couple of days. I really can't say much tonight, I am just real shook up with what happened earlier, so I will update tomorrow. Thanks.

M

Last Year

We will prevail! We will prevail! We will prevail! We are Virginia Tech!

Tonight was a very somber night for me. I stopped by Henry's grave today and left some flowers before I headed down to Tech for the vigil. Seeing his Hokie stone, and standing there listen to Taps for the finaly time has helped me come to terms with what happened last year. I will still never forget the few memories I have of my interactions with him. He was a bright kid, whose time was cut down way too soon. He will be missed, he are the words spoken last year by poet Nikki Giovanni, whose speech helped so many of us Hokies move on in our life. Thanks to everyone!

"We Are Virginia Tech We are Virginia Tech We are sad today And we will be sad for quite a while We are not moving on We are embracing our mourning We are Virginia Tech We are strong enough to stand tall tearlessly We are brave enough to bend to cry ... And sad enough to know we must laugh again We are Virginia Tech We do not understand this tragedy We know we did nothing to deserve it But neither does a child in Africa dying of aids Neither do the invisible children walking the night away to avoid being captured by a rogue army Neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devastated for ivory Neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water Neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of night in his crib in the home its father built with his own hands being run over by a boulder because the land was destablized No one deserves a tragedy We are Virginia Tech The Hokie nation embraces our own and reaches out with open heart and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds We are strong and brave and innocent and unafraid We are better than we think and not quite what we want to be We are alive to the imagination and the possibility We will continue to invent the future Through our blood and tears Through all this sadness We are the Hokies We will prevail! We will prevail! We will prevail! We are Virginia Tech!"

I would like to thank the Roanoke Times, roanoke.com website for the following media. Special thanks to Josh Metzler, stay strong.





M

VA TECH

RIP HENH LY

More from the vigils after I get home.

sicko mcsickness

So I left work early tonight because I could barely keep my dinner in my stomache. I have so much on my mind the last thing I needed was to start feeling sick, and of course I start feeling like a bag of smashed assholes.I did do some of those Etoile rings tonight, and for as much as I would rather be doing those the staring down at the desk all night just wore me down.

On a positive note, we are making a ring for Forrest Whitaker (Last King of Scotland, Vantage Point) and he is going to be wearing it in his next movie which he is filming right now. Right now I am laying in bed watching my favorite tv show ever, Deadliest Catch. They are going over the best of Season 3, and it is amazing what people will do to provide for thei families. I have thought doing it, but between my knee and the fact that I tend to get sea sick I don't think its too wise of and idea. But it still makes for great Tv, just not a great job.

Tomorrow I am headed to Tech for the memorials, so I will update then. I just got off the phone with my ex girlfriend we had been discussing everything we had done wrong to each other over the past while, and needless to say I came out of that talk smelling like a bag of smashed assholes, but atleast now I have a plan to work toward, it will just take a while. Hopefully we can and will forgive each other for everything and maybe hopefully one dau get back together which would be amazing. Anyway its close to 1am and I need to be up soon, sorry no quote tonight. Thanks.

M

Left alone

If there is one thing out there that annoys me more then anything else, its the feeling of being ignored. If I look at you and say something like "Hello" its only normal for you to respond its something called manners. If I ask someone to call me, an answer would be amazing, like for example, yes, no, maybe so, or my all time favorite, go fuck yourself. I mean atleast your letting me know and not keeping me out on a limb. I don't know why I just cant sit around and wait, my mind plays games with me and then I always think the worst is happening, I guess it's a Dominican thing as my mother would say.

Well anyway, I need to head to the dry cleaner and drop off a bunch of stuff then hit up Wal-Mart for some dinner then I think I might go to Red Palace for some lunch to hopefully drown my sorrows in a plate full of fried rice. I am working an off schedule for tomorrow, 8am-4:30pm so that I can make it down to Virginia Tech in time for some of the memorials. I am trying my hardest to get my computer fixed so that I can start uploading pictures and what not to go with all of these blog posts.

Also tomorrow night, for the first time since 9/11 Roanoke City will be shutting off the star as a symbol of mourning for those we lost at Virginia Tech. Anyway, I need to get off and start my day. Later.

M

"The body is meant to be seen, not all covered up." ~ Marilyn Monroe

Hillary Clinton

HILLARY SUCKS !!!!!

Mondays.....

Whats to say about the first day of the week other then it normally sucks. I mowed my grass at the house today, and did a few chores around the house before I had to go to work. I checked on getting my laptop fixed, its going to cost me maybe $80 or $120 dollars depending on how long it takes him to get it done.

Work was boring as usual, I ran on the CnC machine tonight which is normally pretty boring because all I do is sit there and push a couple of buttons. I would much rather be sitting in the setting dept. and cleaning up some of those damn Etiole rings then doing stupid machining. As a matter of fact, I would just as rather not work there anymore. I know, I keep saying I don't want to work there anymore, but I am trying to do something about it. I work a second job to bring in some extra money, I am trying to get into the Police Department, so you can't say I am not trying. It's just the other things in my life that I am having a little more trouble with.

I am scared out of my mind about my ex girlfriend getting deployed to Iraq, it scares me shitless. Even though I know we are not together right now, I am terrified of anything every happening to her. To me Iraq is now a pointless war that is taking this country into no where but ruin. I found this really great quote that I am going to put at the end of this post.

I really cant wait to take my vacation, when and where ever that may be. I am really looking forward to just packing my bags one night when I get off work, and just go, thats all I want to do, just hop in the car and go. Live out the American dream, and find the unfound frontier I just want to leave it all behind. Who knows, this might just be a bunch of wishful thinking as of right now, but I can't just sit here anymore and continue to let my life pass me by with every moment. All I do is work, and when I dont work I sleep, and when I am not doing either of those two things, I just kinda sit around and think, and thinking makes me want to sleep, and so does work.

But anyway, its getting close to 4 o'clock in the morning and all this thinking about work is making me want to go to sleep. Not to mention the fact that I have a huge headache, and I am still not sure as to whether or not I am going to finish mowing the grass tomorrow considering I was only able to get about half of it done. Well good night my friends.

M

"If they've been put there to fight, there are far too few. If they've been put there to be killed, there are far too many." ~ Ernest F Hollings, US Senator. On US Marines in Lebanon, Time 26 Dec 83

GOO AARON LYLES!!!!!!

Hey this is a little piece from the Richmond Times Dispatch about the radest kid on the block. Check it out!!!

"
By OLYMPIA MEOLA
TIMES-DISPATCH STAFF WRITER
Aaron Lyles canvassed for Chap Petersen when the Democrat ran for lieutenant governor in 2005 and made calls on behalf of Sen. John Kerry's 2004 presidential campaign. Despite poor weather and a head cold, he worked the polls in 2006 for Jim Webb's Senate race.
He recently created a Roanoke Valley chapter of the Young Democrats. He serves as a deputy field director for the Democratic candidate in the 6th Congressional District, and he hopes to place his own name on the 2010 ballot for Vinton's Town Council.
And somewhere in there, he wants a driver's license. That is, after all, highly important when you're 16 years old.
The 2008 presidential election -- with the historic candidacies of Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton -- has been credited with spurring more young voters, and soon-to-be-voters such as Lyles, into action.
But local political observers and strategists say younger voters have been more involved in recent years.
On Virginia's streets, teens, college students and young professionals are pounding the pavement, knocking on doors, cold calling. They're smart, passionate, energetic and fill the ranks in state and local campaigns and political clubs. And this year, they're expected to have more company.
In Virginia's Feb. 12 presidential primary, 187,682 voters ages 17 to 29 -- 16 percent -- went to the polls, according to The Center for Information & Research on Civic Learning & Engagement.
A total of 134,968 voters ages 17-29 cast ballots in the Virginia's 2008 Democratic presidential primary, compared with 31,698 voters ages 18-29 who voted in the state's 2004 Democratic primary.
In Virginia's 2008 Republican presidential primary, 52,714 voters ages 17-29 cast ballots. In the previous contested GOP primary, in 2000, 66,409 voters ages 18-29 voted.
Obama gets glory for inspiring the youth vote, but it's a progression that started in 2004, says Daniel J. Palazzolo, political-science professor at the University of Richmond.
Young voters also played a large role in the 2006 midterm elections driven primarily by issues of import to younger voters, including the economy and the war in Iraq, and concentrated on get-out-the-vote movements.
In 2008, young voters are becoming more active generally for the same three reasons other people vote: the election is competitive, the issues attract them and a campaign actively seeks their vote, Palazzolo said.
"Now you throw Obama into the mix and you get an acceleration of a trend that was already under way," Palazzolo said. "The biggest mistake you could make right now is someone saying it's all about Obama. Not all -- part, for sure. But he didn't start the process."
Jesse Ferguson, 27, worked for an organization encouraging young voters to participate before he joined Del. Brian J. Moran's camp. Half of the Alexandria Democrat's office staff is younger than 30.
Ferguson said young-voter numbers have been building. "I think it's gong to be far greater in 2008 then we've ever seen before for the same reasons it started to grow in 2005 and 2006. The candidates are talking about issues that affect young voters, and they're concerned about the direction the president is taking the country."
A February 2008 report about young-voter registration and turnout trends, released by CIRCLE and Rock the Vote, projects that young adults are on track to show up in strong numbers this year based on polling that showed that roughly three-quarters of young people were already following the presidential election in fall 2007.
Republican Whitney Duff, 28, an Alexandria resident, has worked on political campaigns for seven years, from stuffing envelopes to knocking on doors. She said the local Republican Party is always looking to get more young people involved, though she said some tend to stereotype Republicans as "old, stuffy."
"It's always hard to get young people involved," she said. "You have to make them understand why it makes a difference. Why national security matters to them on a daily basis. When you're young you say, 'I'm invincible.'"
"Sheer boredom" initially got Lyles involved in politics. In the summer of 2004, he had little to occupy his time, and his mother suggested he work on President Bush's re-election campaign. When his mother called the local campaign post, Lyles said, they politely declined the offer of help.
"I was 12 at the time, and they didn't know what kind of work to give a kid. The Democrats said 'Yeah, OK, come in,'" he said.
Lyles believes other young people should become informed citizens and voters as soon as possible.
"Our very futures are at stake here," Lyles said. "There's just every reason to get involved. And if you don't get involved, you have no right to complain if things don't go your way."
Lyles now works for Sam Rasoul, who at the age of 26 is the presumed Democratic nominee for Congress in the 6th District.
Some of Rasoul's support comes from high school students, which the candidate welcomes. Even if they aren't old enough to vote, they want to get involved, Rasoul said, and volunteers like Lyles help with tedious work like canvassing.
Rasoul, a businessman whose parents moved to the United States from Palestine in the 1960s, faces Rep. Robert W. Goodlatte, R-6th, who, at 55, is old enough to be his father. Contact Olympia Meola at (804) 649-6812 or omeola@timesdispatch.com.
Staff writer Chris Young contributed to this report."

New Chapter...

Well here I am again, pondering the great mysteries of life. I am sorry I have not updated in a while (again), I have been trying to do a lot of thinking about my life and everything and everyone in it. I really need to get my body in shape for the Police Academy, yes thats right I am in the middle of trying to get ready for the Police Department. I already had my interview and that went fairly well, so I should be getting in there pretty soon.

So, as of right now I am trying to get my money in better shape, I am making some good money at this side job I have, so thats helping me knock down some of these issues. I am giving up drinking, so no more drinking anymore regardless of the situation. I have been giving a lot of thought to where my life is headed and what I need to get done, so I have a feeling things are going to get really rough for me here in the next couple of months.

I will doing daily updates, so I can use this thing here to help me move on and past everything, not to mention the fact that things are going to get really interesting in the next couple of months for me. Between the upcoming election, Festival in the Park, my 22nd birthday, and the police academy coming up things will be getting interesting. Not to mention I am really trying to save up enough money so I can just disappear for a week or two, it's gonna be really nice to just get away. Anyway, I am gonna hit the sack, so I leave you with another great quote, from my big book of quotes! G'nite.

M

"How do you know when love is gone? If you said that you would be there by seven, and you get there by nine, and he or she has not called the police - its gone." ~ Marlene Dietrich

The truth

I just would like everyone who ever may read this that I am coming clean with the fact that I took the easy way getting out of the Marine Corps. I was scared, and I used my knee injury as the key to getting out. That doesn't mean I didn't like being a Marine or that I didn't want to be a Marine anymore, it means that I was a coward and scared to be sent to Iraq so I took the easy way out. So there, I am a coward and a liar.